Rant of Valakut: Modern Horoscopes Ben Iverach-Brereton April 2, 2018 Rants of Valakut THAT WHICH WILL COME TO PASS What deck you choose play says a lot about who you are, but you may not realise just how much it does. It is a little known fact, but the Modern metagame functions much the same way as the alignment of the stars and planets when attempting to predict the future. With this knowledge one is able to create horoscopes for players of various Modern deck archetypes. To that end, I present to you a selection of horoscopes. Behold your future! ~~~~~ YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY Storm: You like to keep busy. Things are at their best for you when you have twenty things on the go, but you don’t mind repeating yourself if you have to. Your morning is going or be filled with a lot of planning, with a big payoff sometime in the afternoon. Avoid disruptive friends today. Burn: You take everything three steps at a time. People think you are a simple, straightforward person, but they don’t understand your subtle complexities. Don’t hesitate today; the faster you can get things done, the better. Everything is go go go, and it’s up to others to keep up with you. Bogles: You are a hard person to interact with, but this allows you to focus on your own work without interruptions. Get an early start to your day, and get dressed as soon as possible. You’ll power through your troubles soon after daybreak, but don’t get too complacent. You may be expected to make sacrifices today, so plan around it. Hollow One: There is a lot of uncertainty in your life. You often feel like you are throwing everything away, but it is always for a good reason. This is true even if it doesn’t appear that way all the time. Try to embrace this randomness today; you are better suited to handle it than most people. Just don’t stress out about; everything will even out in the long run. Dredge: Your plans are often interrupted, but you always find a way to make it work. No one can stop you if they aren’t prepared, so use this to your advantage. The only thing holding you back today is the attention you receive; play dead for long enough and your problems will go away. Just be careful; too much rest will be your downfall. Jeskai Control: Your way is the best way, and you are more than happy to tell everyone. You feel you have an answer to every problem, but be careful not to let anything slip through the cracks. Don’t be afraid to make others slow down today; they may find you a bit cryptic at first, but the message will get across eventually. Aristocrats: To you, other people are a means to an end. You are very good at managing a team, but you know when it’s time to let someone go. Don’t get overly attached to anyone today; sacrifices will have to be made, and you’re the one to make them. It will be worth it, though; if everyone pitches in you’ll have no trouble achieving your goals. Eight-Rack: Misery loves company, but don’t torture yourself if you don’t have to. You would much rather spend your day doing nothing, and you should convince others to join you. Cast aside your worries; everyone else might stress about not getting anything done, but it’s exactly what you need today. It’s not a crime, after all! Lantern Control: It’s all in the details for you. You need to be on top of everything, and the more information you have the happier you are. If you get a handle on the little things, everything will go your way. You can expect to spend a lot of time with the same few people today. Black-White Tokens: You are at your most comfortable in a crowd. Avoid being alone today, and make sure you linger long enough to get everyone together. There is a virtue in numbers; with this many friends at your side nothing will stand in your way. Just make sure to finish what you start. Five-Colour Humans: You’re a people person. Diversity is your bread and butter, and this is reflected in the company you keep. Your closest friends try to meddle in everything, but they always have your best interests in mind. Be careful today; your closest confidant is going to try and hurt you. Merfolk: When faced with an obstacle you always find a way to walk around it. You love to lord over others, and things go your way when you do. Your friends will act a bit fishy today, so move quickly. If you are too slow you’ll find your hard work disappear like an illusion. Just remember that no one is an island; a group of friends is always much stronger than any one person alone. Death’s Shadow: You love to push the envelope. The more dangerous the path, the greater the reward, and you always go the extra distance. Your decisions will end up hurting you today, but you’ll become stronger for it. Near the end of the day, things will seem worse for you than they actually are. Just be aware of your limitations and you’ll come out on top. Affinity: Out of all of your friends, you have one of the busiest mornings ahead of you. Just be careful not to run out of steam or you’ll find yourself struggling this afternoon. You’ll get the silent treatment today, but that will only slow you down for a moment. Adjust your hat and keep on moving; a quick pace will keep a spring in your step as you hurry to get things done. Infect: Knowing when to give it your all and when to wait has always been the key to your success. Your plans often get very big very quickly, and not everyone is ready for that. Don’t let that stop you. Take a moment to help a friend count to ten today and you will complete your project in no time. ‘Tron: You always want the biggest toys, and if that means spending a bit more to get them, so be it. You find expensive items very liberating to have, so plan your finances accordingly. Everything is just a stone’s throw away for you today. Don’t dwell on your hunger, and check your map frequently. You’ll have no problem getting to where you need to go once you’ve stirred things up a bit. ~~~~~ BEYOND THE FUTURE The stars have aligned, and the future has been revealed! Hopefully these portents will serve you well. If the secrets of your specific deck were not revealed, please let me know in the comments. I predict this will not be the last we see of these horoscopes, and your messages will help steer the hand of fate. Until next time, may the stars and the Modern metagame guide you in your travels. Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName Email Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.