Rant of Valakut: The Latest Classifieds on Kiki-jiji Ben Iverach-Brereton July 30, 2018 Rants of Valakut Kiki-jiji is the multiverse’s number one place to find classified ads and small business owners looking to expand their customer base. It is updated constantly with ads for new artifacts, rentals and services. There’s something for everyone on Kiki-jiji. The Most Recent Listings for the Dominaria-Ravnica area: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Amulet of Safekeeping Keep your treasures safe from the storm with Amulet Locks, your number one choice in protection. Latest features include: resilient Dwarven-wrought casing, amethyst warding orbs, and auto-relock tumbler. Multiple models now available, at prices as low as 2 mana. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arcane Encyclopedia Now in softcover: The New (Abridged) Jaemdae Tome of Cartooning. Learn to draw like a professional and tap into your true potential! Perfect for any library. Only 3 mana! Available anywhere books are sold. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chaos Wand For sale: 11″ holly wand with phoenix feather core. One of a pair. This wand insists on choosing an owner itself and can be temperamental in the wrong hands. It is unquestionably powerful, but unpredictable if mishandled. Prospective buyers should contact Ollivanders at the earliest juncture. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Crucible of Worlds DIY home planet-building kit by Magrathea Inc., only 3 mana! Includes instruction booklets for Bucket Island World, Private Meditation Realm, and Earth 2. Dolphins not included. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Desecrated Tomb For rent: 1 Rm. Basement Apt. Very quiet neighbours. Must love bats. 3 mana/month. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Diamond Mare For sale: Slightly damaged horse figurine (missing unicorn horn). This mare is part of a glass menagerie we are selling. The whole set is still available; price is negotiable. Please contact the Wingfields for more details. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dragon’s Hoard The complete first season of Dragon Hoarders is now available on DVD! This season focuses on a red dragon living alone in his mountain apartment. His obsession has gotten to a point where he has even driven away his neighbours. Dr. Baggins and his team of assistants set out to help get to the root of the dragon’s problem and to work with him to clean out his lonely mountain home. The season finale is a real shot to the heart! Order now! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Explosive Apparatus For sale: One handheld brass sphere. Missing pin. Motivated seller. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Field Creeper Only 2 mana! Leftover decoration from years ago that’s still rattling around. I need it out of the house. …Wait. I can hear It at the door. What is… oh no…. It knows I’m trying to sell it! Please hurry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fountain of Renewal Incredible deal! Bottled water from the fabled Fountain of Renewal! Quench your thirst with the water’s incredible rejuvenating powers! Restore your life today! Experiences may vary. All sales are final. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gargoyle Sentinel Security force available for night shift work anywhere in the Manhattan region. Shifts must end before dawn. Contact Xanatos Enterprises for more details. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Gearsmith Guardian [BODYGUARD FOR HIRE] [WILL PROTECT SQUISHY MEAT THINGS] [PRICE NEGOTIABLE] [PLEASE REFRAIN FROM MENTIONING CLANGING] – [UNIT IS SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT SUBJECT] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Magistrate’s Scepter Seeking new Magistrate for the plane of Mercadia. Applicants must demonstrate an ability to work well as a part of a team and should be very open to suggestions. Strong-willed, independent thinkers need not apply. Applicants who have a good work history with goblins will be given special consideration. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Manalith About Manalith: Known as the “Stone of Fixing,” the Manalith resonates with the five colours. It is often used to push one’s boundaries and to expand the mind. Focusing on the Manalith can provide insights into never-before-imagined possibilities. Place the Manalith on the table in front of you and tap it gently while focusing on your task to improve your chances of success. On sale now for 3 mana. Visit us at Mox & Lotus for our complete selection of herbs and crystals. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Marauder’s Axe Antique axe. Head and handle recently replaced. Small red stain. 2 mana, or best offer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meteor Golem Struggling with a Colossapede infestation? Looking to remove an unsightly Monument from your front lawn? Well look no further! Falling Man Inc. are your go-to experts in pest control and demolition. Whatever your problem, Falling Man Inc. can crush it… …into a crater… …from high orbit. Falling Man Inc.: Providing the most versatile solution to your problems since the Mending. By hiring Falling Man Inc., you understand and accept that they are not responsible for any collateral damage that may, and probably will, result from their services. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Millstone For sale: Pre-owned stone milling wheel. Unique brain pattern on crushing surface. Never used. Perfect centerpiece for any kitchen. Suitable for grinding coffee or sanity. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rogue’s Gloves One pair of well-used working gloves, suitable for delicate tasks. If interested in purchasing, meet me in the back alley behind the place (you know the one). Wait for my signal. Come alone. Will accept cash or quick transportation out of town. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sigiled Sword of Valeron Vigilance. Power. Unity. Lead the charge with the bold, sharp scent of the new Sigil, by Valeron. Feel Exalted. Now available in Sword. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Skyscanner Skyscanner 19-Series Quadthopter: Aether-powered cogwork rotors provide up to 50 minutes of continuous flight time. Includes a solid crystal scrying lens for Consulate-grade image capturing. 3 mana. Great value! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Suspicious Bookcase Help requested: The assembly instructions for my new Mistänkt bookcase from iKjelda are really confusing. I am offering 3 mana to anyone who can help me put it together, or who can at least tell me why it needs hinges and a lock mechanism. I will give you an additional 2 mana if you can also help with my Vanligt armchair; it keeps snapping shut on people. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Transmogrifying Wand I accidentally turned my husband into an ox with this wand. I’m willing to sell it for 3 mana, but I would prefer to trade it for a plow or cart instead. Please send me a message if you are interested. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Azorius lawmages would like to remind readers that Kiki-jiji is not responsible for the content of its listings and that all transactions are done at the risk of the buyer. If you have a listing that you would like to appear on Kiki-jiji, please post it below. FacebookGoogle+Twitter Leave a Reply Cancel ReplyYour email address will not be published.CommentName Email Website Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment.