Rant of Valakut: Yisan Records presents – Scoop Ben Iverach-Brereton May 20, 2019 Rants of Valakut Rolling Stoneforge Magazine and Yisan Records, the teams who brought you The Sounds of the Sea and The Invasion Soundtrack, are joining forces once again for another peek into their music archives.* This week they are proud to present Salt-N-Pepasmoke‘s 90s classic, Scoop with its original lyrics. Make sure to stay tuned afterwards for an exclusive interview with Yisan Records and behind-the-scenes look at their restoration process! SCOOP To the tune of Shoop by Salt-N-Pepa Hey, yeah, I wanna scoop, baby Ooh, what’s your record? You droppin’? Whoa, you haven’t lost one, wow. What’s your deck? Damn, that sounds spicy uh Here I go, here I go, mulligan again (again?) Girls, what’s my weakness? (DREDGE!) Ok then, millin’, millin’ Diggin’ for Witness (word) Yo, girl, that last round, I couldn’t believe this I swear, I stared, his Glitterin’ Wishes This brewer had it goin’ on with somethin’ kinda, uh Wicked, Nic Fit (ooh) had to mix it I’m not shy so I asked for the decklist A pro? No, that don’t make me Play what I want, quick Sligh or the Stompy Losin’ to a Wits so I Gripped that from my hand of tricks Then we flipped for my Crypt, made me wanna sic Strix on ’em Rip it like a Chaos Orb should be ripped Grab for our si’boards and I tanked for a bit Don’t know how you use the Kudzdu that you use So well in that shell, hell, makes me wanna scoop scoop scoop Scoop scoop ba-doop scoop ba-doop Scoop ba-doop ba-doop Ba-doop scoop ba-doop scoop Ba-doop scoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop Umm, you’re jacked with your Stax ‘specially with that Mask Brewers, wanna thank ol’ MaRo for a card like that (thanks, Mark) Castin’ Mana Tithe with my one White floatin’ If it stops your kill you could see me gloatin’ With a Gut Shot, bang! Transformin’ that Thang! Awoken now, it’s gonna swang! Disrupt, Corrupt, bad luck, Mr. Delver Untapped land, that’s a trixy Mutha, well-a I like ’em weird style, pure jank pile with a Vial Smooth fixin’ from the Wilds Cast Second Sun, I wanna have some fun Come and give me some of that Thrun-Thrun Troll Wor-ship, Asce-tic, can I hear ya scoop? Sneakin’ Ink-Eyes with ya Soup, you make me wanna Scoop scoop ba-doop (Baby, hey) Ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop Scoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop (Don’t you know I wanna scoop, baby) Scoop scoop ba-doop scoop Ba-doop scoop, ba-doop, ba-doop Ba-doop scoop, ba-doop, scoop Ba-doop scoop, ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop Well let me make Black on a budget Net that deck Watch ’em play CoP, watch another deck tech When you Strip my Karoo, my darling Not calling a judge but yer stalling, can ya (pass the turn!) When I Moon ya, make the mana harda’, it works best with some pressure (Yo, Chandra, I wanna like, race you) Fetch-a Fetch-a Basic ’cause it’s time to Cryptic Sorin Mark’, get wreck’d, go, let me go, let me scoop To the next man with a Swiftfoot Boot I cast ma Storm Crow, pay two Blue-y Scoop scoop a-doobie lose to a Two-Three, too. You’re rampin’ inta’ big Greens, you’re playin’ Wild’ Dreams Yeah, Smuggle taps ma team, Crew Crew Crew I like what ya loot, when you loot What ya loot, but ya make me wanna scoop Scoop scoop ba-doop Scoop ba-doop Scoop ba-doop ba-doop Ba-doop scoop ba-doop scoop Ba-doop scoop ba-doop ba-doop, ba-doop (Oh, my goodness, girl, look at him He’s the coolest brewer in here And he’s comin’ this way! Ooh!) Sword of tha Meek, Thopta’ Foundry, cool (uh-huh) But I’m janky, G, (yeah) get wins but never quickly (that’s right) I Stirrin’s for the hell of it, just for the spell I get Mmm mmm mmm, before you’re Quellin’ it (Quell it) They want a Bob, here’s their Null Rod (Null Rod) Gond’s Presence on my Guard (damn) and have ya activate my Trap Card (what?) Bolt, Snap, Bolt, six you, go to game two. So what you wanna do? What you wanna do? Mmmm, I wanna scoop. Scoop scoop ba-doop scoop ba-doop Scoop ba-doop ba-doop, ba-doop Scoop scoop ba-doop scoop ba-doop Scoop ba-doop ba-doop, ba-doop….. (Refrain repeated ad nauseam.) Rolling Stoneforge Magazine recently sat down with Yisan Records to discuss Magic, music, and their process of restoring old songs to their original lyrics. RSM: Yisan Records has been spending a lot of time restoring old songs lately. Can you tell me a bit about how that came to be? YR: Sure. We formed way back in 2014 as Verse Counters, a group dedicated to collecting and preserving music archives. We changed the name in 2017 to Yisan Records when we released the remastered audio for Jace’s Gatewatcheers. RSM: You say you’ve been collecting music archives. What’s that process like? YR: Well, mostly it’s been a case of talking with recording studios and trying to allow us access to their vaults. The process of getting the original recordings of a song can take years, but once we have the tapes we transfer everything to a digital format so we can clean it up. RSM: So why do these restorations? YR: It’s a piece of history, isn’t it? This is the way the songs were originally performed. These old tapes are eventually going to break down and get lost forever. We’re doing what we can to make sure they don’t end up in the graveyard. RSM: What has struck you the most, doing this? YR: Honestly? It’s been incredible to learn just how geeky some of these musical groups were. I mean, if you listen to the original lyrics to Scoop you’d think they were written by some obsessed Magic player Ranting about janky decks and combos. RSM: What do you think of the decision by these groups to change the lyrics to something more mainstream? YR: Well, Salt-N-Pepa certainly pushed some boundaries at the time with their new lyrics. It honestly might have been safer for them to stick to Scoop instead of Shoop, you know? But then it probably wouldn’t have been as popular at the time. It was a bold choice, and obviously it paid off for them. RSM: With the surge in popularity of games like Magic: the Gathering, do you think musicians now are more likely to stick with ‘geeky’ lyrics, as you described them, or is that something we can really only expect from their early recordings? YR: From what we’ve seen with our archive work, musicians always change around the lyrics before their final recording, and I don’t imagine that stopping. As for whether geeky lyrics are going to become more mainstream, I’m doubtful. There are just a lot more universal subjects to sing about, and the industry is about appealing to a wide audience. RSM: That’s fair. Tell me, before we go is there anything we can look forward to from Yisan Records in the near future? YR: We’ve got a few things in the works, but unfortunately I can’t talk about it right now. You’ll just have to wait and see! RSM: I’m sure I’m not the only one looking forward to your next musical restoration project. Thank-you for your time. YR: My pleasure. Yisan Records is a subsidiary of Shandalar Entertainment. *Author’s Note: This article is a work of fiction, written for entertainment only. My apologies to Wizards of the Coast, Rolling Stone Magazine, and Salt-N-Pepa; I hope you enjoyed the new lyrics. 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